A confession

I want to confess to myself

If, life was a script, and all the characters were me, who would say what? Will I be proud of what I've done so far? What have I done, in nearly two decades of being here. 

--

Photography is a passion

No it isn't, it's a distraction

It's the best I've got

Because you're not good enough

We all have different talents

Don't think you're all that good either

Fuck off, I'm one of the better ones

Big fish in a small pond is what it is. 

--

I'm single by choice

Nah, nobody wants to date you

Even if there are, I wouldn't want to date

That's what you say

I cannot commit

You have trust issues

Maybe, but don't everyone?

Maybe, but you've pushed it away and it comes back to haunt you

--

I want to help others

Because you know you can't help yourself

I'm perfectly fine

You know only someone else can help you

I don't need anything, I'm content

You push it aside

I don't, there's nothing to be worried about

--

I do well because I work hard

Because you overcompensate

For what?

For all your other lackings

Like?

Like being sociable, like being good-looking, like being fit, like being healthy

--

I don't feel emotions

Correction, you've put them aside

Since when?

You know what sadness leads to

I do

And you know what happiness leads to

I do

And you know what love leads to

I do

So you avoid them

Because they're all bad

Because they're often more bad than good.

--

I help people, but I can't help myself

Maybe you can, but you choose not to

Why?

Because you don't think this is a problem

What is this "problem" then?

I don't know. 

--

I don't need to feel love

I just wanna feel something

If it's never enough

At least it's better than nothing

After everyone I've lost

And every kiss I've wasted

I don't need to feel love

Just wanna feel something.